I watch Shark Tank. It's incredibly addictive but that's cool.... I'm a therapist. If I can find a way to bill my insurance for it I'll treat myself. Specifically, I'm a Family Therapist. This is important because I spend a great deal of time working with parents to solve every day problems. One of the most common struggles I hear is from parents who are trying to teach moderation and life-balance but are up against a barrage of attention grabbing devices. We want our kids to have fun stuff like phones and video games but we also want them to do things like, ya know, sleep and eat. That becomes an issue when our kids get way too into their gadgets. Tell me if this sounds familiar... at dinner or bedtime you try to calmly tell your kid to put the tablet away and you get this.....
So you slowly back away while leaving a trail of dead fish in the hopes that this animal that vaguely resembles your sweet child will follow the trail all the way to the dinner table. If this has happened to you, do two things. First, don't make any sudden movements. I'm pretty sure their vision is based on movement (I think I heard that somewhere). Second, read on....
Teaching kids to appropriately manage their technology fails for two primary reasons. One, because they badger you constantly or go into full-on martyr mode because their life is so clearly awful. Basically your kid is either playing XBox or complaining that they're not playing XBox. Neither of those is a win for you. The second reason is a bit harder to swallow; you're kind of a pushover. When they badger you, you relent. Or you let them play until 9:00 even though technically the rule is 8:00 but you just want to delay the battle a little longer and hey, Shark Tank is still on! Well lucky you. This particular Shark Tank featured something that's going to save you. Did you catch it? If not, let me help you out. Pushovers and parents of badgers, I present to you.... The Kitchen Safe.
The Kitchen Safe is exactly what it sounds like. It's a kitchen container you can't get into. When you close the lid on the Kitchen Safe, you set a timer and it locks. What makes it so amazing for parents is this... there's no override. There's no key, no password, no sweet compliments, rain dances, or flattery that's opening that thing. The only way in is to wait out the timer. Which means, when sweet little Timmy gives you those puppy dog eyes and says, "Mama, I promise I'll only play for 5 minutes and I was so good today can I pleeeeeeeeeease have the controller for my XBox." Your answer is, "Timmy. I'm proud of you for being good but the controller is in the Kitchen Safe. Even if I wanted to give it to you, I can't. There's no way to open it. Remember, your XBox time isn't limited because you're in trouble. It's limited because you don't need to spend all your time on the XBox". Then you walk away victoriously as the Rocky Theme plays in your head.
When you first implement this thing your kid won't believe you. He'll think you're keeping something from him. Let him inspect the thing. When he realizes there's truly and sincerely no way to get his controller, watch in amazement as he...... wait for it....... accepts it and finds something else to do. I've recommended this thing for parents of kids hooked on video games and for parents of kids who can't seem to regulate their cell phone usage. I'll give you two quick examples of how I've done it.
When you first implement this thing your kid won't believe you. He'll think you're keeping something from him. Let him inspect the thing. When he realizes there's truly and sincerely no way to get his controller, watch in amazement as he...... wait for it....... accepts it and finds something else to do. I've recommended this thing for parents of kids hooked on video games and for parents of kids who can't seem to regulate their cell phone usage. I'll give you two quick examples of how I've done it.
The Cell Phone Teen
I worked with a family whose teenage daughter was glued to her cell phone. I know, shocker, right? Here's what we did. We brought in the Kitchen Safe and placed it on the counter. Next to it we put a little chart that broke down the following; If the phone was in the safe by 9:00 the timer was set for 10 hours. This meant the kid could have it back at 7am the following day. If it was placed in the safe between 9:00 and 9:05, the timer was set for 22 hours, meaning she could have it back at 7pm the following day (which only gave her 2 hours with the phone that day). If it was placed in the safe between 9:05 and 9:10 the timer was set for 34 hours. The chart kept going like that, adding 12 hours for every 5 minutes that the phone wasn't in the safe.
It worked. The daughter had her phone in on time virtually every night. She was a minute or so late one night but it only happened once. She didn't enjoy seeing that "22 hours" on the timer. Now here's the craziest part... her parents said the first few times they did this she pouted a little in a typical teenage huffy fashion (that's a word, right?). But, because those actions didn't change the outcome of the situation in ANY way, she stopped after a few days. Remember, kids are more resilient than we are. They can adjust to a new normal. This young lady accepted that her pouting wasn't accomplishing anything and eventually gave it up. Mom said it took a week or so but it eventually became a fairly painless part of her routine.
It worked. The daughter had her phone in on time virtually every night. She was a minute or so late one night but it only happened once. She didn't enjoy seeing that "22 hours" on the timer. Now here's the craziest part... her parents said the first few times they did this she pouted a little in a typical teenage huffy fashion (that's a word, right?). But, because those actions didn't change the outcome of the situation in ANY way, she stopped after a few days. Remember, kids are more resilient than we are. They can adjust to a new normal. This young lady accepted that her pouting wasn't accomplishing anything and eventually gave it up. Mom said it took a week or so but it eventually became a fairly painless part of her routine.
The XBox Kid
I don't typically use the word "addiction" with sixth graders, but this kid fit the profile. His attachment to his XBox was downright frightening. Now, I should mention that as a therapist, my first recommendation was to get rid of it. However, mom wasn't excited about that and wanted to try to regulate it first. I won't walk you through the stuff that's repeated from the Cell Phone Teen but I'll give you this...
We did the same thing. The controllers and the power cord for the XBox had to be in the safe by 8:00 every night and there was a chart next to it but it was a bit different this time. The timer was set for 22 hours EVERY NIGHT. Which means he only had access to it for 2 hours per day. If the controls were in the safe between 8:00 and 8:05 the timer was set for 23 hours, giving him 1 hour the next day. If they were in the safe between 8:05 and 8:10 the timer was set for 46 hours, meaning he'd lost it for a day. You get the point. So even if this little guy got home before mom (which he did), he couldn't get into his XBox controllers or power cord.
The main problem this mom was having was the she caved after he hounded her enough. She knew that. I give her a ton of credit for being willing to admit it and this little device was a life saver for her. It allowed her to follow through but more importantly, because she wasn't struggling so mightily with follow through, it allowed her to actually see how powerful follow through can be.
One other note: if you do this, don't hound the kid. Part of learning responsibility is learning to do things without having to be nagged or badgered into it. Set the expectation that the phone is in the safe at 9:00. When it's 8:58 and she's still on it, that's not your concern. She knows the rule. Set the timer based on when she puts it in the safe. If she's 10 minutes late as long as you stick to your chart, there's absolutely no need for a lecture. Stay calm. Don't be mad. She knew the rule, she broke it, she pays the price according to the chart. You don't need to lecture her on responsibility. The Kitchen Safe keeping her from her phone is doing that for you. If you can be disciplined enough to stay off her back about it, this lesson will stick because you don't get in the way of it. Again, DON'T GET MAD. What do you have to be mad about anyway? She's the one who's now without her phone. Don't inflame the situation by piling on.
The specifics in your home will vary but regardless of what it looks like, I strongly suggest this thing. You'll be amazed at how freeing it is to have something put away with no option to get it back. For some, it's the kids. For others, it may be the parents. Maybe mom and dad need to put their phones away at dinner or during family game time (which you're totally having every week... at least that's what it says on your Facebook page... although I'm beginning to suspect that maybe those profiles aren't a totally honest reflection of real life. Nah, now I'm just talking crazy!). Maybe this little contraption will take one or two of your daily struggles and make them a bit easier. Or maybe you'll go really bonkers and actually use it for what it was designed for... junk food!
I'm not being paid by Kitchen Safe. I don't know them, they don't know me. I'll make no money off of endorsing their product. I'm a Marriage and Family Therapist who makes recommendations when I see something that can help your family. Go get this thing. It's crazy effective.
Here's the website: http://www.thekitchensafe.com/
And if you think I'm lying and that I'm getting a royalty off of clicks, don't click that link. Just google search "Kitchen Safe" and get to it that way.
We did the same thing. The controllers and the power cord for the XBox had to be in the safe by 8:00 every night and there was a chart next to it but it was a bit different this time. The timer was set for 22 hours EVERY NIGHT. Which means he only had access to it for 2 hours per day. If the controls were in the safe between 8:00 and 8:05 the timer was set for 23 hours, giving him 1 hour the next day. If they were in the safe between 8:05 and 8:10 the timer was set for 46 hours, meaning he'd lost it for a day. You get the point. So even if this little guy got home before mom (which he did), he couldn't get into his XBox controllers or power cord.
The main problem this mom was having was the she caved after he hounded her enough. She knew that. I give her a ton of credit for being willing to admit it and this little device was a life saver for her. It allowed her to follow through but more importantly, because she wasn't struggling so mightily with follow through, it allowed her to actually see how powerful follow through can be.
One other note: if you do this, don't hound the kid. Part of learning responsibility is learning to do things without having to be nagged or badgered into it. Set the expectation that the phone is in the safe at 9:00. When it's 8:58 and she's still on it, that's not your concern. She knows the rule. Set the timer based on when she puts it in the safe. If she's 10 minutes late as long as you stick to your chart, there's absolutely no need for a lecture. Stay calm. Don't be mad. She knew the rule, she broke it, she pays the price according to the chart. You don't need to lecture her on responsibility. The Kitchen Safe keeping her from her phone is doing that for you. If you can be disciplined enough to stay off her back about it, this lesson will stick because you don't get in the way of it. Again, DON'T GET MAD. What do you have to be mad about anyway? She's the one who's now without her phone. Don't inflame the situation by piling on.
The specifics in your home will vary but regardless of what it looks like, I strongly suggest this thing. You'll be amazed at how freeing it is to have something put away with no option to get it back. For some, it's the kids. For others, it may be the parents. Maybe mom and dad need to put their phones away at dinner or during family game time (which you're totally having every week... at least that's what it says on your Facebook page... although I'm beginning to suspect that maybe those profiles aren't a totally honest reflection of real life. Nah, now I'm just talking crazy!). Maybe this little contraption will take one or two of your daily struggles and make them a bit easier. Or maybe you'll go really bonkers and actually use it for what it was designed for... junk food!
I'm not being paid by Kitchen Safe. I don't know them, they don't know me. I'll make no money off of endorsing their product. I'm a Marriage and Family Therapist who makes recommendations when I see something that can help your family. Go get this thing. It's crazy effective.
Here's the website: http://www.thekitchensafe.com/
And if you think I'm lying and that I'm getting a royalty off of clicks, don't click that link. Just google search "Kitchen Safe" and get to it that way.
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